I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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