i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Randomize
