I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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