I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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