i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
