Your face is a jimmy john
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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