Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
