he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
