Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Me too!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
