i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
