haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
