we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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