i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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