You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize