YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
