I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
