honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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