Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
