Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
