I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize