It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
