If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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