Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize