Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
