Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
