I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
