At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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