Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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