I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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