I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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