at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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