The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
me + whiskey = a bad person
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
