The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Im part way to drunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
