I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
