I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This baby is an asshole
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize