im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
