So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
