did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
