something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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