Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
