so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
