No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
