my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You have to summon your inner elephant
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
