I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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