ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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