Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
