Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
