Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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