dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
