I wanna bring you to show and tell
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
