I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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