guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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