Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
