So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
