I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
