he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
