life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
