a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
