Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
