yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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