is your mom at the bar?
My hand turned me down
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
