i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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