Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
