Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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