Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
