Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
