Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize