whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
