His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
