Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
