We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize