tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
