FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
